A Thought on Adult Life

Having FINALLY been paid for my work poll clerking, I was supposed to be paid on August 26th its now September 16th, so apart from waiting for that for ages so I can now buy some things I need, books for third year and my dissertation, my share of the internet bill and as I was bringing the TV for next years house I’m sorting out the TV license.

Oh good grief do they try and rip you off if you pay monthly or weekly it seems, if I’d have gone for that option I would have ended up paying close to 15 months TV license for only living in a house for eight months its ridiculous. I have hopefully figured out how to do this as cheaply as possible…I think.

Right now back to packing :(

au revoir

Elinor

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Mandy Malone…

Mandy Malone flicked through the bible and soon got the general jist, she decided that on Monday week she’d be a door to door evangelist, the maximise the rewards of her good and noble cause and what with all the walking, to knock on all those doors, she bought a pair of slimming trainers that promised to reduce the circumference of her calves by at least half as long as she walked with a peculiar gate and watched what she ate for the next couple of years.

But hang on, after only two weeks her money would be gone, and taking into account the horrible affliction of her clinical addiction to watrose organic humus, there was only one thing to be done; she joined Avon.

She now can be fond if you look around the west midlands area, dealing with the leerier customers, selling her Jesus Tweezers for those unruly and unconverted brows, telling the story of the Israelites whilst slipping her arms into a pair of tights, 30 denier but very plush, self cooling (YOU wouldn’t want a burning bush), don’t groan, you haven’t met Mandy Malone. Her faith you could not chafe she sees through you like a cellophane wraith, disbelief bounces off her gleaming teeth which she brushes with those fluoride mushes, reciting the psalms and exercising her arms, well, one arm, so half as many (she uses a toothbrush weight to make it heavy)…

I sometimes experiment with this  ‘stream of conciseness style’,it’s a residue from a course I took once upon a time, you start with a sentence and then carry one wherever your brain may take you, and since this one turned out rhyming I thought I would post it. I try not to have a plan, I let something, however small pop into my head, and then write whatever comes after, you don’t have to worry about punctuation if you don’t want to, or sticking to any format,it’s just meant to be a bit ‘o’ fun really. You should give it a try though, because you never know where you will end up, and if you do find yourself somewhere nice, tell me about it in the comments, because I would like to know.

Gwen

Gen

Gwen

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Week 30 of the Doodles: Take #2

I’m the teensiest bit annoyed right now, I got up this morning and was really resolved I was going to work today, and I got up at 9 to do it and I did for the first two hours I went through all my notes I’d made in May and post it noted them saying what the line of argument was and what page this stopped on. And then I had a bit of a break until 12 and went down stairs to make lunch and Dad came home. He’d left and said “I’ll be back at 8″ so 12 o’clock I thought hmm this is new way to tell time.

It’s Friday, and Dad had forgotten, its Mah Jong tonight, the tile game he and his friends play and once a month he and his friends meet at one of their houses and cook up and big meal and play Mah Jong. They haven’t played in about 6 months, so Dad had forgotten and was feverishly pulling stuff out of the freezer trying to find a meal. I offered to help thinking yeah ok I’ll a chop a few bits up and put some stuff in the oven, why I thought that I don’t know. But I ended up writing down all the cooking instructions of what to add to this stew after the first half hour while Dad was defrosting the meat in the microwave and then he kept thinking of more stuff to add into this stew and then it would fit in the casserole bowl.

So I started the first half of my lunch at 12 I didn’t finish it till half 2. I couldn’t settle back into work as I had to get up again and turn down the oven and add a few more things. By that point I’d lost all motivation, I’m not good at working between 2 and 4 in the afternoon anyway, and now I was in the rut of watching vlogs and feeling slightly sick from the salt wash I have to do to my  mouth I did not do much more than highlight the most obvious first sentences. And then adding to this, my Godfather and my brothers Godfather arrive and Dad is not here so I make coffee and have a chat with them. A very good excuse of how I couldn’t possibly do work today at all. But my big plan was I would work all day stop in the early evening, finish this weeks doodle and upload it feeling I had done good.

Wild Hairy Haggis chatting with Nessie

Wild Hairy Haggis chatting with Nessie

Yes this is cheesy in the extreme, but hell I drew this on holiday after meeting a wild hairy haggis myself. They are most interesting creatures I assure you ;)

au revoir

Elinor

 

 

 

 

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Prospects

Squirrel and Hedgehog went to space in a hairspray lid,
In a lid they went to space,
And by travelling this way they saved a few quid,
And their hair was neatly in place,
In place,
Their hair as neatly in place,

They floated right past the moon they did,
The moon in his cavernous gloom,
And putting the breaks on their hairspray lid,
They asked was it night time or noon?
Or noon,
They asked was it night time or noon?

“I don’t care a jot if it’s night time or not,
Said the moon in his low moaning voice,
“I hang here all night, reflecting the light,
“And you know that I haven’t a choice,
“A choice,
“You know that I haven’t a choice”,

Then the moon in his woe let tears overflow,
The craggy white space of his face,
But the squirrel and hedgehog just didn’t know,
How to comfort a rock outer space,
Outer space,
How to comfort a rock outer space,

“We’re friends and we’re here” cried the Hog with a cheer,
“No need to be gloomy or blue,
“Had you in mind some other career,
“What is it you wanted to do?
“To do,
“What is it you wanted to do?”

“Oh I’m just luminous, voluminous,
“I hang here in space’s black balance,
“I’m not clever nor humours,
“In fact I lack any talents,
“Any Talents,
“In fact I lack any talents”

“But Moon” said Squirrel “why didn’t you know?
“Your light is the flight in romance’s shoes,
“Your soft glow is night time’s white snow,
“Revellers rev in your phosphorescent ooze,
“Your ooze,
“Revellers rev in your ooze,

“And the acres of craters,
“On your huge big white face,
“Make intent spectators,
“Of the whole human race,
“The race,
“Spectators of the whole human race”,

The moon Cracked a smile, he did,
The Moon wore a big cheesy grin,
And it lit up the hair spray lid,
And the two little critters within,
Within,
The two little critters within,

“Well bless my cheddar and bless my feta”,
Said the Moon who’s mood had now soared,
“That makes me feel a little bit better,
“In fact I am greatly restored,
“Restored,
“In fact I am greatly restored”,

The Two in the lid gave a bashful wave,
The two wore a humble face,
They said that was just how friends behave,
And their hair was neatly in place,
In place,
Their hair was neatly in place.

 

Gwen

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What have I done today?

I got my tooth pulled out. There is no room in mouth for my wisdom teeth and the one I’ve had through for a while now I realised about a month ago that it was growing through sideways and effectively into my cheek. I sort of knew yeah this tooth is coming out in my heart of hearts, I really wanted the dentist to say “Yeah okay tooth is a bit skewed but its fully grown and won’t move, you can leave it as it is just remember to keep an eye on it for food getting stuck there.” Sorry to be even more disgusting but that’s what was happening.

Instead Mr Dentist says “Yeah, your tooth has to come out, if not it’s going to caused really bad things for your jaw and probably could start damaging the cheek”. Major panic set in then, because you hear so many horror stories of teeth pulling, and for a start I thought oh dear God this going to take ages of pulling! Have to say at no point could I live up to being a calm and collected woman and go through this with any grace or dignity. I spent most of my time with my eyes tight shut I did not want to see what they were going to use because then imagination would go into overdrive and I would be up out of the chair and running down the street.

Technically speaking the first bit was very simple, they just out the numbing injection in but some liquid with a foul taste was falling into the back of my throat so I was going “Urgh-eee-arghh”. This certainly set the tone for the whole procedure, I was then sent out to let the local anaesthetic (I think) set in and make my face numb. Apparently it contains adrenaline as well so I was shaking really badly and had to sign something, really difficult to hold a pen let alone write a legible signature. Go back in, first thing I do is shut my eyes, I know an instrument has gone in my mouth and I think the dentist must have prodded my gum with something, maybe the sharp scrapy they use to clean out the teeth,

“Can you feel that?”

“No”

“Right hold your jaw out to the left”

Knowing left and right would be really good at this point but I can’t remember them well at all, first thing I did was put my jaw the wrong side, “No other side.”

Really difficult though to get my bottom jaw to stick out to the left and accommodate a Dentists hand, to get in with an instrument and pull out my wisdom tooth in the top of my jaw. I was gripping the arm rest very tightly and gripping my other hand in a tight fist it didn’t move to try and get this stuff out of my mouth. “You might feel some pulling now” the most terrifiying line ever, don’t feel pain but you do feel the tooth come out and because its in your head and this one effectively sits under my ear I heard the splitting noise as the very tip of one of the roots as it separated from the rest of the tooth. I was repeating the undignified “Urghh-arghhh-eee!” noises.

And that was it, suddenly cotton gauze thing is stuffed in my mouth and told to bite. “Yeah your roots were really twisted” comes happy voice of dentist behind me. I took the tooth home, I thought why not, might as well get something out of this apart from a whole in my head, literally, and the roots are bent right over at the top almost at a right angle. So that explains why this particularly tooth decided it would try to make an exact out of my cheek. Loving the taste of iron in my mouth right now, have to say, I’m not sure whether I want the local to wear off because although its uncomfortable to feel like you have a golf ball shoved up my gum, it doesn’t actually hurt and I’m hoping this will finish clotting soon. I’m also bemoaning that I can’t eat at the moment or drink tea and I’m hungry…

au revoir

Elinor

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Week 29 of the Doodles: Take #2

Hmmm… here’s an interesting thing: wherever I go, fourteen mice go also. There is no stopping it. And I rather like it, I am at least never far from entertainment.

Camping Out

Camping Out

Under this logic as I have been camping, the mice have also been camping on the dining room table top. Sweet is telling a scary story and the mint humbug crumbs are flowing nicely around the hurricane lamp and unfortunately poor Marmite is a little frightened.

au revoir

Elinor

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Gwen’s Musical Selections

Category: Only on Youtube

Artist: Regina Spektor

Good For: Bellowing a chorus for your neighbors to hear.

Comments: I’m a long time fan of the Reginasourus, and sometimes I forget about her catalog of live performances on youtube only to re discover them. I know this is a pretentious fan thing to say, but I genuinely think some of her dodgy fan recordings are better than some of the songs that actually made it onto her last album.

Category: It was Free God Dam It!

Artist: Augustines

Good For: Bobbing about hoping no one can see you. (Also freeness)

Comments: I found it for free on amazon, it sounds a bit U2ish to begin with, I think my Dad will like this too.

Category: All Sad and Mopey and Beautiful

Artist: Patrick Cassidy

Good For: When you want to feel floaty and alone, like a net curtain.

Comments: I think it’s the beatitudes in Gaelic.

Well those are my pics, if you have a pic then leave it in the comments and I will listen keenly with both my ears.

Gwen

ps. If you want more professional music talk, then look at this blog.

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Hmmm…somethigns gone wrong here methinks

I was just making some cakes, procrastinating as you do, and when I came to add the eggs I found something rather odd. I started cracking it and you know that membrane that’s all around the inside of the egg, when it finally chipped open it was all white and usually its translucent. I was thinking hello, this is odd, eggs aren’t usually like this and what came into my mind was an egg horror story I’d been told of someone else making cakes and cracking in the second egg and finding a half formed dead chick inside. I put it into a little bowl and got a knife cut it open and I find this…

Ay up!

Ay up!

A hard boiled egg?!I don’t if it smells because somebody gave me a cold in the last week, so it could be off but I don’t know. I have come to two conclusions:

  1. Someone, for inexplicable reasons, boiled an egg and put it back so there was still a half dozen in the box
  2. Alternately, a chicken laid a hard boiled egg

Your thoughts on this? Anyone keep chickens and know if there’s a thing chickens can do to boil an egg inside them? I know that’s a bit odd but I can’t think of anything else. Unless the guy a the market who dad got them from boils one in every fifty or something. Anyone else got egg stories?

au revior 

Elinor

PS Having now conversed with my dad I have discovered that these are not the eggs from the guy at the market I do apologise for what could technically be construed as libel against you and your eggs. These are in fact eggs from my mums old colleague, who now has a small farm and grows chickens, he for some reason probably to make up the dozen added in some hard boiled eggs and may have told mum who neglected to tell us. So mystery sol-ved. 

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Camp Brew

The tent’s occupants have a thirst to quench,
They’ve walked for miles over farm field and grove,
So come back now to the portable stove,

They’ve walked for miles over meadow and nettle,
So come back now to the portable kettle,

Their feet are warn through,
So you know what to do,
Gather the crew and put on a brew,
Brig out bourbons and tea bread,
Because we need to be fed,
Kick a wasp in the head,
Spill tea instead,

Gather round, gather round,
It’s nothing profound,
Just hot water and tea bread,
And a chair on the ground,

Sit down now by the portable kettle,
Here’s an old chair where your bones can settle,
It’s nothing complex,
It’s just hollow metal,
But how we love our portable kettle.

Yes, it might well be a sickeningly heart warming poem, but my heart was warmed when I wrote it. It’s the product of a nice little camping holiday in the Malverns, featuring four (including Elinor) friends, one kettle, Olympic nettle wading, the pub map, Captain Morgans, an exploding air bed, a dog who licked our frying pan, graceful gate hurdling (not), night time takeaway pizza in a field, scones the size of my head,  and Elinor humming and swearing in her sleep. But Back now and back to the old blogging. We missed you.

Gwen

EDIT; My sister in Law has informed me that I wrote ‘the tent’s occupants have a THRUST  to quench’ which sounds very sexual.Oh dear, I’ve now corrected it and it’s THIRST  dears, THIRST. 

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Week 28 of the Doodles: Take #2

Hopefully if you are reading this, the magical wonders of wordpress will have successfully posted this even though I’m not here I’m in a field in the Malvern’s. If this hasn’t happened and you are reading this post then you’ve hacked into our blog and as such deserve to go on the naughty step and miss out on pudding for a week. 

Unlike everyone else I seem to live in an age before cameras, so when I go on holiday or to places I rarely take pictures I choose the much longer and more laborious process of drawing what I’m seeing. Why? I have absolutely no idea, my holiday ‘snaps’ of Edinburgh consist of slightly sketchy drawings. 

But dear Gwen did give some very good entertainment one night when trying to use a hand held fan, when attempting to open it she failed dismally and simply threw on it on the floor with gusto. So I drew this… 

Despairing of Gwen

Despairing of Gwen

au revoir

Elinor

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