Gigour Mortis

The disallowed and the disaffected,
In a pub that smells of disinfectant,
Disappointment and disarray,
As the dishcloth dystopian cabaret,
Mount the stage and discharge,
A dearth of dismal dirges,
Dispelling any kindly urges of applause,
Or pause, for any thoughts on art,

Not so smart,
This dandy, Disney, death metal display,
A distinctly down number,
And a slow slow sway,
This is Friday,
And we’re in this encasement of a basement,
Listening to Dumbo the disquiet arrangement,
I’m not even a goth and I don’t drink beer,
A question, a thought,
Why am I here?
Shuffling in the downstairs of a blue strobe,
Dilapidated death trap,

We’ve nothing to say,
But when we do we shout,
The toilets don’t lock,
And when they do you can’t get out,
Don’t touch the doorman,
I think he’s got scabies,
Wade through bog water to get to the ladies,

I’m guessin’ it’s distressing,
Dishing out drinks in this dive,
In this honeyless hive,
Of worker fleas,
Of printed tees,
That don’t make sense,
But smell of cheese,

Leave your dignity at the door,
Down twelve Daniel’s,
And lie on the floor,
Who needs rugs,
With cliental décor?

The guy over there has met his maker,
Face still clinging to the flock skull paper,

The disaffected, the misdirected,
The common nightly binge collective,
Those disposed to excessive drinking,
Those devoid of critical thinking,
The disinfected, the disallowed,
So help me God,
This is my crowd.

Gwen

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Veg Patch Cake

This was my sister in law’s birthday cake, I’ve seen cakes like it floating around pinterest and it was a lot of fun to make one myself. The soil is dark brown sugar if you’re wondering.

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Find me (cake) on facebook

And Twitter

 

Gwen

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Feed the Soul

A small poem based on a random youtube comment I saw the other day. The comment appears on the last line.

Warm and soft beneath my fingers,
Now all is gone, now life is cinders,

Perhaps I’m only trying to hide,
That all of us are black inside,
But I’ve seen in you, I’ve melted there,
And all is bright, and true, and fair,

Your world was me and all I know,
I’m sorry that you had to go,
I’ll cry aloud, alone, without you,
RIP, my baked potato.

Gwen

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Appetite at Night

At night suppressing thoughts of hunger,

That supper was a time ago,

And dreaming of the fridge’s plunder,

Humming gently floors below.

Gwen

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Royal Iced Winterland

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Gwen

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Winter Bunnies Birthday Cake

A wintery gluten free birthday cake for my sister who is 11!

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Gwen

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Christmas Past. Lessons Learned. Notes To Self

christmas jar oh christmas jar1.Don’t wear a dress.
Christmas being a special day, it may seem like a good time to wear a special dress.

It’s not.

Be real, if there’s even a change you’ll be crawling on your belly under a six foot pine trying to reach your auntie’s lavender bath bombs, then unless you like flashing your loved ones and filling your tights with pine needles, you should just go for comfy jeans. Better still something soft, elastic, splash-proof and fire retardant and you’re all set.

2.Do some wrapping in advance.
I bloody love wrapping. Not a universal opinion I know, but for me I’d have a good wrapping session (wine, twinkly lights, Michael Buble) over an all expenses paid skiing holiday with (insert hot bloke here).
I thought I was being very cunning last year by saving up the wrapping for Christmas eve, for maximum eve fun. WRONG. Wrapping IS fun. But ALL the wrapping together in one night makes you want to die. Spread out, enjoy at leisure.

3.If you continually bite the sellotape to tear it apart, then all the skin off your lower lip will be wrapped up with the presents, and you’ll look like you’ve been punched in the face.

4.Don’t aim to cook more things than can fit in the oven. Yes, we all want a scrumptious spread for Christmas dinner, but you can achieve that without cooking every vegetable on God’s green earth.

It might not seem that way to your bucks fizz addled mind, but there IS a limit to the sheer volume of stuffing you family can ingest. Be generous by all means, but be real, we can’t all have agas the size of two bed flats, and the best Christmas ever will never be the one where you cried because you didn’t know where to put the parsnips.

5.Don’t turn the Christmas lights on at the plug while your brother is fixing them like that time you did a few years ago, and he was electrocuted.

6.Adding tinsel to your outfit in any form, will look cute, but will itch like scabies.

Love love, Merry Christmas and all that,
Gwen

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In Breif: Recent Reads

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This Comes a little late in the day I must confess, and the word ‘recent’ in the title must be taken in the loosest sense (I’ll admit that the thyme plant in the picture is now dead thanks to my not so green fingers.. Rest in peace Herbie). However I think I can dredge up some dim memories of these reads if I squeeze my eyes shut and really try.

I would recommend…

After the Armistice Ball- A decent who done it with an appealing leading lady and an appropriately tense ending. A good read, not too taxing.

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The Tenant of Wildfell Hall- A period romance with a mystery element, and I have to say I really got into this one. Considered shocking and ‘a complete mistake’ in its day due to content such as a wife leaving a husband (shock horror), times have changed, but it could still be called an intense ride I think.

Not so into…

The Whaleboat House: I read it all quite quickly, and it’s fine, but I don’t know, for me it was just fine and not much more really. Not very original I think and the author insists on detouring into every character’s extensive backstory even when not relevant or interesting.

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The Shadow of Death: This has been made into a TV show, and soz balls but it beats me why. Boring and repetitive in my eyes, and not very mysterious mysteries. I have a friend who holds the same opinion but I suppose some people must like it, so  let me know if you do.

Love love,Kiss Kiss and all that,

Gwen

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Craft Fair Update

I dreamed last night that no one came. It seems to be a bit of a pattern with me, I’m organising something, all is going swimmingly, but even so I dream a disaster scenario. I refer you to the time I was organising a posh dinner party, I dreamed of everyone turning up really early and all I had to give them was cheese puffs. Nightmare.

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Anyway we can hope it’s not an oman because we have put in efforts to really get butts through the door, leaflets have been printed and my younger siblings roped in to post the through doors. Turns out some letterboxes are really hard to get things through, they seem to be equipped with brush heads on the inside, I don’t know if that’s to stop people posting dog poo through or what but it put a stop to some of our leaflets I can tell you. I as tempted to get the kids to really shove them in but was afraid I’d end up with an eight-year-old girl with her arm stuck in the neighbour’s letter box. You really shouldn’t try and post your siblings. I’ve also arranged to have a notice but in the church bulletin, plus facebook mithering of all our friends and relations.P1170049

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I’ll be selling cake, as I did last time, but also I bought six different types of wholesale sweets and packaged them up as lovely little stocking fillers (for it is a Christmas craft fair), I did just over half in cellophane bags with red ribbon or twine, and the rest became little Victorian style parcels in brown paper, which if I do say so myself look rather adorable. They took a good few hours to put together, but it had a very Christmas eve wrapping session feel about it that I rather enjoyed.

If you live in the Birmingham England vicinity then do pop in.

Gwen

Previous craft fair post here.

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Reading, reading and reading

Whoops, sorry dear blog you have lain forgotten and forlorn in a dusty corner while other parts of the internet (and actual life in general) get mine & me co-blogger’s attention. In fact if you want to see what’s been going on with the meece you can here or here. Since finishing uni I have had an explosion in my reading, suddenly I am able to read what I want, when I want and how I want. It’s so exciting!!! So here is the slightly bizarre compilation of books that I have been devouring over the last five months. (Oh great grief its been five months!)

Many books & a single strawberry

Many books & a single strawberry

In Search of Blandings by NTP Murphy – quite a good read and being a bit nosey I really enjoyed finding out where PG Wodehouse got his ideas from, although I found some of Murphy’s links between places in real life and places, particularly Blandings, in the books were rather tenuous to me. But I think that’s more to do with cynical historian training.

In Search of Blandings (Omnibus) & Something Fresh by PG Wodehouse – hmmm having read the book about the world of Wodehouse I then read the actual books, who’d have thunk it? I will always love Wodehouse so I know I liked these but it was so long ago that I can’t really remember I think pumpkins came into it. And definitely a scarab in Something Fresh – the night scene where everyone ends up creping about is also just fantastically ridiculous.

Honeysuckle Cottage by PG Wodehouse – anyone noticing a theme here? This book is the teeny-tiny one in the photo sandwiched between Something Fresh & The Mark of Athena and its not in the Blandings universe. Or really Jeeves & Wooster. Shocker, but even more shocking its actually a ghost story. The cynical crime writer inherits his aunts cottage, his aunt also a writer (along the lines of Barbara Cartland I think judging by her reputation & this book) then “influences” the events at the cottage to her taste and just when you think you know exactly what should happen, it all goes to the unexpected but perfect end. I read this at the dentists was definitely grinning inanely, especially at the end, it certainly livened up the forty-five minute wait I had.

The Mark of Athena & The House of Hades by Rick Riordan – Oh the feels! Particularly the end of The Mark of Athena. I think I compounded this by first having re-read nearly all of both demigod series before reading these (I didn’t include them in the photo for reasons of size & that these were all books I haven’t read before). Given how deadly every book is I fear that the very last one will be truly terrible, eventually I’ll get round to reading it. Even with all the highly strung drama in these two books I still find it funny that the Athena Parthenon’s feet end up in the stables.

Colditz by PR Reid – There is something in one sense completely farsical about this and on the other hand completely believable. It might be the way its written but it seems surprisingly like stories my dad tells of his school. It is an incredibly good read and really incredible that anyone actually thought of doing any of these things – you also inadvertently learn a certain amount of French and German phrases. That was the one thing I found a little annoying was that sometimes PR Reid wrote short conversations in German because that was how it happened and I had to rely on guessing from the surrounding words or asking my mum to translate.

Emma by Jane Austen – I rather liked this one, and I liked that Emma’s character was flawed in such a versatile way, and that the other characters were flawed in some way as well, Mr Elton’s conceit, Harriet’s naivety, Mrs Weston’s compliance to Emma and Mr Weston’s over kindness. And lets not mention Frank Churchill’s character, or Jane Fairfax’s the daft girl. It made it a lot more human and their conversations became a bit more a live. I know others find Emma’s manipulation of Harriet the worst thing but I thought what happened to their friendship at the end was really bad on both their parts.

Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery – This book has been sitting on my shelf ever since we refitted for the new library at school so about six years. The long speeches from Anne at the beginning made this book quite difficult to read for me, I kept on losing track and I really thought I wouldn’t like this book. I really liked this book actually to the point where I keep dipping back into it, and you notice throughout the book the way Anne’s language changes as she gets older, “tragical” becomes “tragic” which then disappears altogether. As much I am slightly fascinated with this book I don’t actually want to read any of the others in the series – I couldn’t quite believe there were so many books really.

The Little Prince by Antione de Saint-Exupery – I wanted to read this ever since I saw the trailer about the new film their doing of it. I knew the book would be rather different to what was in the trailer, the premise I think I enjoyed the majority of everything went over my head. Some bits like why the rose was special I got, but I didn’t get the stuff about the rose prior to that or the sheep, the fox I think I understood. I reckon there is no actual storyline or any form of continued narrative in this book and I think that’s what threw me a bit – there is so much rave about this being one of the greatest books that I was disappointed I think.

Winnie-the-Pooh by AA Milne – What does a freshly graduated historian of 21 years buy the day after graduation? Obviously a copy of Winnie the Pooh! That and an English version of the Magna Carta. I may have bought this book partly for the illustrations (I love EH Shepherd’s stuff) but also because to the best of my remembrance I didn’t have a Winnie the Pooh book when I was a child. I think I might have spurned it because my cousins family were so into Disney’s Winnie the Pooh. However thanks to Gwen and her family I was given snippets of AA Milne’s poems and stories and found I rather enjoyed it. My favourite story from this book is the one where Pooh eats too much at Rabbits and gets stuck and Rabbit uses his legs as a towel rack!

Anyone else read anything good recently?

au revoir

Elinor

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