Ahhh, nothing like a bit of hate posting, burning your up-until-now-very-pleasant-mornings with that hot lava of British indignation. Disrupting your mild and frothy state of mind with tidings of utter pigswill and despair. Indeed allow me to take the hot potato of my angry ravings strait from the oven and chuck it at your face in the form of the itemised list of hate.
Why on God’s green earth do they equip spray deodorant with swivel action nozzles? Who does this help? It always seems to swivel itself when you’re not looking, so when you next pick it up the business end of the nozzle if facing in the last direction you suspect. This causes you to miss your pits and spray deodorant RIGHT IN YOUR OWN FACE like I did this morning.
What’s worse is camping, six sleep deprived girls sharing a tent, all struggling to operate their sorely needed armpit blaster (as my mother calls it), ‘shower fresh’ ‘summer orchid’ and ‘cool cucumber’ scents all spew out in all the wrong directions, drifting together into a ‘showered summer cucumber’ fog and chocking the asthmatic unfortunate caught up in the middle. The ill-fated victim will inevitably be the only one who had the presents of mind to pack a roll on.
Individually sold pairs of socks
When you tear a whole in a pair of socks, or lose one in the wash, you don’t think to yourself ‘gosh, I’m one pair down, I’ll pop out and replace them right now.’ I mean, perhaps you do, but if so I think I have fair justification for calling you a nutter.
No, the only time, I think I can proffer, when we actually go out on a sock buying mission is when we have surveyed in inside of our sock draw and found the only un-holed offering is a pair of bright yellow hockey socks left over from our brief girl’s school days. At which point you decide to go out and buy a whole job lot of socks. So why do the shops insist of selling then in individual pairs!?
I’ve given this some thought, and what we need is sock boxes. Available from places like Able and Cole where you get veg boxes, the sock box would be a medium sized wooden crate filled with an entire sock collection, allowing you the freedom and peace of mind not to worry about foot warmth for many months to come. Different varieties of sock box would also be available, for example, the sporting woman’s sock box, filled with trainer socks, hockey socks and a pair of those cushioned runner socks that look so nice. Or the family sock box, containing a size range for parents and all the kids, and the baby’s socks would come with a complimentary hypoallergenic ‘foot glue’ to stop them falling off all the time.
Now look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want a sock box. Say it. You can’t can you? I see you on dragon’s den.
Ugly Album Covers
I know I’ve touched on this subject before, but it really does get my goat, and indeed all the other animals in my imaginary small holding. And I know there must be allowances for taste, but really, some musicians just aren’t trying, I mean what is this Muse? What is it? As if we weren’t all worried enough when you said that the next album would be dubstep influenced, you then went and put a space age cheerleader pom pom on the front. And then, to add insult to injury, you put a windows screen saver on the inside. Horrid Muse, just horrid.
I do however like the song Big Freeze.
Well, i ended on a good note after all.
Love love, kiss kiss, and all that,