The Never Ending Eulogy


Gateway to Greyfriar's Graveyard In Edinburgh

Gateway to Greyfriar’s Graveyard In Edinburgh

The never ending first chapter…

Memories so sweet,
Memories so sour,
This eulogy for you,
Could take another hour,
The funeral buffet
Is developing a scum,
But I’m gonna keep on yapping
‘Till every bum is numb,

Snoring can be heard,
From both Auntie Jean and Beth,
Is boredom really kills,
There might be another death,

Your cousin has no seat,
And is regretting wearing heels,
She’s glaring with reproach,
At your coffin on its wheels,
And I hope they put the breaks down
Securely on each castor,
‘cuz as he falls asleep,
It’s being leaned on by the pastor.

Your Father’s brought his gallstone,
In a metal dish,
And on your mother’s lab,
Is a tank of yellow fish,
She says that grief burns hot
In all aquatic creatures,
She can even see some tears
On their fishy features.

Your uncle is insulting,
And his wife has born the brunt,
I suspect your brother’s trousers,
Are facing back to front.

“Thank you all for coming
We are gathered here today,
To make a speech about the dead guy
Littered with cliché”,
(supposed to be a joke
To lighten up the mood,
But any more like that
And we’ll have a family feud.)

“My darling dearest dead one,
My sweet fatality,
I’m glad we live in England,
Where the NHS is free,
How else could I afford
Such a luscious funeral spread,
I bought the pickle just for you,
Then remembered you were dead.”

“You’re death was over dinner
Now theirs a meal I won’t forget,
The guy who gave compressions
Was from the string quartet,

We ate Italian al dente
At a lovely roadside joint,
I liked the folded napkins
But you couldn’t see the point,
You had basil cabanara
But you picked out all the herb,
Then were killed by a lorry
When the driver took the curb.”

“To be buried with your specks on
Makes you look more middle class,
But how do dead men clean their lenses
Without breath to fog the glass?”

The congregation sighs,
In mournfulness and woe,
But their grieving is because,
I’ve got pages left to go…
This is actually an old one I found knocking about my computer, I didn’t realise I’d never posted it, so not exactly hot off the press but I think you will forgive me.

Gwen

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About Gwen and Elinor

Two bloging buddies who love tea and biscuits.
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One Response to The Never Ending Eulogy

  1. Anela says:

    Quite a dandy piece of work! 😀

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