Christmas Past. Lessons Learned. Notes To Self

1.Don’t wear a dress.
Christmas being a special day, it may seem like a good time to wear a special dress.

It’s not.

Be real, if there’s even a change you’ll be crawling on your belly under a six foot pine trying to reach your auntie’s lavender bath bombs, then unless you like flashing your loved ones and filling your tights with pine needles, you should just go for comfy jeans. Better still something soft, elastic, splash-proof and fire retardant and you’re all set.

2.Do some wrapping in advance.
I bloody love wrapping. Not a universal opinion I know, but for me I’d have a good wrapping session (wine, twinkly lights, Michael Buble) over an all expenses paid skiing holiday with (insert hot bloke here).
I thought I was being very cunning last year by saving up the wrapping for Christmas eve, for maximum eve fun. WRONG. Wrapping IS fun. But ALL the wrapping together in one night makes you want to die. Spread out, enjoy at leisure.

3.If you continually bite the sellotape to tear it apart, then all the skin off your lower lip will be wrapped up with the presents, and you’ll look like you’ve been punched in the face.

4.Don’t aim to cook more things than can fit in the oven. Yes, we all want a scrumptious spread for Christmas dinner, but you can achieve that without cooking every vegetable on God’s green earth.

It might not seem that way to your bucks fizz addled mind, but there IS a limit to the sheer volume of stuffing you family can ingest. Be generous by all means, but be real, we can’t all have agas the size of two bed flats, and the best Christmas ever will never be the one where you cried because you didn’t know where to put the parsnips.

5.Don’t turn the Christmas lights on at the plug while your brother is fixing them like that time you did a few years ago, and he was electrocuted.

6.Adding tinsel to your outfit in any form, will look cute, but will itch like scabies.

Love love, Merry Christmas and all that,
Gwen

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